So im laying down thinking which clearly is never a good idea. I wanna come see you & just get into our bed. Play cod all night discuss serial killers smoke a little & just be with you. Just be us again if only for a few hours. You don’t know im leaving & I probably wont.tell you for the simple fact that you’ll either act ignorant.as fuck or make me feel bad. I have responsibility. Something you’ve never understood. Im going to miss you more than i’ll ever let on. I love you more than anyone else & I hope you.never.forget me.
Im starting to get annoyed with the depressing shit that shows up on my dash. Im trying to stay positive & upbeat & seeing things like that makes me start to sink back.
So much bs. I guess my mom wants me to adopt the baby. So now were just waiting for the state to terminate my sisters parental rights & then me & the baby are moving. New start ! Cant wait !
Im laying here in the livingroom just thinking. Thinking about how to improve myself. How I should quit smoking or at least cut down. How reguardless of weight I should eat healthier. & they all seem like the most amazing realistic goals yet for me I fear i’ll never reach them. I have no will power I guess. Maybe everytime I pick up a cig.i should think about playing basketball with the boys. Or every bad food I pick up think of diabetes. Im sure someone will come across this & think that im nuts but truly its the only way I can think that’ll work.
So much for that whole 135 pound thing. At this point id be happy to just lose ten pounds. Like wtf? I eat healthy I exercise & nothing happens. Like legit I try so hard & nothing happens. Fuck you hypothyroidism. You fucking blow & I have no pills to take to correct it :( fuck me. I guess this just means even more of a cut in calories & even more walking & working out. Please for the love of everything something needs to start happenning.
In such a good mood. Went to my exs house for a little & managed to bring my kdr up a few points :D also finished up the garden & baked my sister a double chocolate cake for her birthday. Just put my neice to sleep & time to drink :)
Bought a bottle for poolers bday. Ended up at mikes house again but I didnt black out this time & actually enjoyed myself. Played some black ops & watched netflix. Times like these I miss him so much. But ill never allow myself to go back to that. I dont deserve it.
